just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
