It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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