how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
