Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
