my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
