hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
