Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
