Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
