I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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