I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
