1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
