A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
