My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
