I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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