piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
