If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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