If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
