You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
