carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
