Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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