I puked a lego.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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