I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
