Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
