Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
