You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
