tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
