What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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