OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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