easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
