is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
