Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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