She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
