I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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