I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
