Buhtt sex?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
