PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
