i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
