i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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