Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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