It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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