I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All the doctor said was why
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
