tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he puts the penis in happiness.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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