I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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