I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
