I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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