Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
