K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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