If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am available for nakedness
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
