he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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