i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
