i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
