i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this just has baby written all over it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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