we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
