I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Welp...herpes.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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